Looking to make it as a “Celebrity” trainer? Get in line, pal! It is not for the faint of heart and if you think your in-laws are needy, you should stick with training housewives. Here are some tips from a personal trainer who has trained a B-lister, a former porn queen, and a reality star (who really thought they were going to make the leap into mainstream acting).
First and foremost, it helps to be gay. All the major players in the celebrity training game seem to enjoy the same sex more than the opposite. From this trainer’s point of view….I get it. What is the safer bet? If Katy Perry was my girl (unfortunately she is not anymore) would I want her to train with some Don Julio with more abs, a man-bun, AND a hammer down below? Just playing the numbers game, you are going to be fishing from a much bigger pool of potential clients when the “I’m pretty sure we are gonna fuck at some point” line is out of the equation.
Next you have to be prepared to kiss some serious ass/dick/and every other piece of anatomy that these people require. Not the actual celebrity mind you, as some of them are more down to earth than your jerk off neighbors. But their handlers or “people” may be a whole other story. Get ready to make yourself more available around the clock due to scheduling issues. I’ve only dealt with one pseudo-celebrity who thought they were a little more special than the average person and it took way too long to learn they weren’t the only ones on my roster.
Get yourself a gimmick or be gone! No celebrity is going to be content showing up moving through your combination of sets and reps. That is unless of course you have a snappy catch phrase or tagline that miraculously makes your workout more special than the rest. You could have these motherfuckers maintain a plank for 20 minutes and move some shit around and they will swear by your methods….as long as it is called “Mobility Planking with Multi-angle Core Activation”. Or better yet….just stick with MPMCA method and before you know it you will have your own gym in Beverly Hills!
If you aren’t a high-energy person, find yourself some artificial means to get amped! I recommend some Stacker 2’s which you may be able to find on the black market if cocaine isn’t easily accessible. A zen-like persona may work if you are a yoga guru but that shit won’t fly if you are going to be a celebrity trainer. Since personality along with looks (which many people will deny but you’ve got to be a fucking moron to think it doesn’t matter) are everything these days. Remember no one likes an unfit trainer, but they dislike fugly ones even more.
Last but not least, it is all about who you know. If you went to high school with Ben Affleck, shared a J with him back in the day, kept in touch and are now a certified personal trainer, you are pretty much a shoe-in. If you lived down the street from Beyonce back in the day, she knocked you off your bike while practicing dance moves on the sidewalk, your parents still keep in touch, and you know a thing or two about fitness, you may find yourself a nice cushy gig keeping her in shape while on tour. Best of luck in your quest, and hopefully that shit will work out for you. Meanwhile I will be perfectly happy taking on those housewives.