One day a friend said told me he had to go and do Les Mills. I wondered why this guy never told me he was gay before that afternoon. Much to my chagrin, he informed me that Les Mills was “like the best workout ever,” and he insisted he was straight. Anyways with a little research I discovered this guy from down unda was a former Olympian who started a gym. I was immediately impressed because of how original the idea for an Olympian opening a gym is. And now that this guy Les Mills is pushing 80-something, it looks like his family is ‘taking the torch’ and capitalizing on his name, so shit has gotten crazy for the New Zealand legend.
There are apparently a dozen or so cardio classes. But wait! They are like so much more because they include weights or bands or even DANCING! Actually it’s more like break dance fighting, which by the way looks fucking stupid. Poor Billy Blanks must be getting ready to roll over in his grave, even though he is still kicking somewhere. Bodystep, Bodypump, Bodyattack! The list goes on and on, forever. Some jerkoff that shelled out the $300 to get “certified” in this bullshit will argue that “every class is like, SO different!” What the fuck ever….you should have just gotten your personal training certification online.
Here is the scam – every 3 months for $35 you have to go online and buy some quarterly release kit. This fascinating kit will include new music AND choreography notes. But wait! You also have an education section that somehow educates you and gives you a quiz on a cardio class. Is that even possible? Are these people who can barely afford their rent also on crazy pills??? It’s a cardio class! Let’s all calm the fuck down. Just when you thought the Crossfit cult had shit on lockdown, look out….Here comes Lester fuckin’ Mills.