Take your workout drank and shove it


Sunglasses…check, 24 karat gold chain…check, killer tank top….check, Michael Jackson/workout gloves….check….Pre-workout ultra metabo-booster with ginseng and CLA/green tea extract…Yep!  Think you are officially ready to conquer the gym?  Think again my friend as you have been suckered into dropping $3.99 for 16 ounces of unfiltered water mixed with purple stuff that supposedly boosts your metabolism (and more than likely makes your urine glow in the dark).  Don’t worry, you aren’t the only chump in the bunch.  Back in my day I was conned into buying a case of some soon-to expire sizzurp that not only tasted like shit, but may be the reason behind this enlarged prostate.  These days there are countless pre/post workout drinks on the market that all claim to do everything from jack you up to melt that cellulite off your ass.

Does this magical powder somehow create miracles in the gym?  What the fuck do you think?  Now that ephedrine is banned in the US, every over-priced drink you throw down isn’t going to enhance your workout…..but it will mostly likely give you some potent gas to go along with a burning sensation in your lower abdomen for a couple of hours.  At least nowadays these wonder drinks taste much better than those of yesteryear when any supplement wasn’t considered legit if it didn’t taste like curdled milk with a chocolate aftertaste.  Just don’t ever bitch about money if you are pissing your pennies away on the promise of getting ripped from a drink.  Stick with that big jug of water and eat some beef after your workout.

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