10 reasons why your gym sucks

gym-membership-salemanBy now many of you are done dealing with those pesky New Years resolution folks who just can’t seem to stick with it.  Even though the gym floor opens up a bit, there are many reasons why your gym sucks.  Here are just a few, of many,

1.  Your gym membership costs less than $20 a month. 

I don’t give a shit if I’m working out in a judgment free zone, you better believe i will judge the hell out of everyone that walks through the door.  If the monthly fee at your gym is about enough to fill up half your tank with gas, chances are the people working out there are the reasons why you stopped going to the movies on the weekends.  You get what you pay for.

2.  Your fellow gym members use equipment as furniture

How many assholes do you know that park their asses on the bench for at least a half an hour or so?  How about those Bros who just have to congregate at the cable column to talk about their new tats?  I would pay well over a $100 a month to a gym that pays an attendant to cut down on this type of tomfoolery.

3.  The music blows

Sure I can wear earbuds, but I’m trying to preserve my hearing for the next Van Halen concert.  Taylor Swift may be good to look at, but when doing a heavy set of squats her voice doesn’t exactly inspire me to get it up (in that way).

4.  The front desk staff sucks

Not the most difficult thing in the world to organize but for some reason most gyms can’t figure this out.  Something as simple as scanning your card seems to be a chore to the young guy or gal who would rather be texting than working.

5.  The weights are always all over the fucking place

Forget about the rack that never seems to be in order and always missing the matching 45 pound dumbbell for some reason.  How about the leg press with every 45 lb plate in the gym piled high?  Sometimes this can be forgiven but when you notice the fitness attendant attending to someone by getting a phone number, this shit is the worst.

6.  They make it nearly impossible to cancel

Must be moving farther than 20 miles from the gym, must give a 3 month advanced notice ON the 15th of the month, or they somehow charged you by “accident”.  These are just the many ways gyms will fuck you out of your money and make you hate them.

7.  The parking lot is always full

With our ever-increasing population, you can’t really blame this one squarely on the gym.  But if you happen to be in a gym that shares parking with other buildings or has just a few spaces available to its members, the likelihood of you driving around a couple times to find a spot just to turn around and go home is extremely high.  Thus, your gym sucks.

8.  The bathrooms are disgusting

I’m not talking about immediately after the big fella drops a steamer in there, that’s bound to happen a few times a day.  I’m talking about the general smell of the whole place.  If the locker room and shower area brings you back to your high school days, hopefully you are paying less than $20 a month.

9.  There are very few hot chicks (But plenty of tank-topped dudes)

When I plunk down my coin to workout somewhere, I take full advantage of the full tour to uncover every square foot of the gym to see where the ladies may be.  I prefer the girls on the gym floor tossing around some weight rather than the cardio queens, but as long as they are decent eye candy I’m good.  If your gym is a sausage-fest, have at it if that’s your thing.

10.  They are constantly trying to up sell you and force you into personal training

Yes I’ve worked at many a gym where personal training sales were the moneymaker, but these days this shit is out of hand.  I was recently at a gym and some frosty haired chode kept badgering me about training.  After 8 minutes of unwanted conversation and many “No’s” later, he got the point.  If this shit happens to you on a regular basis at your gym, then your gym really sucks.

Are the dozens of more reasons why your gym sucks? Yep.  So keep an eye out for these annoying traits and remember you get what you pay for.




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