5 Reasons why you need a personal trainer

Without calling you fat, I’m going to give you 5 reasons why you should get a personal trainer

5.  You don’t really know what the fuck you are doing

The greatest apps and youtube videos in the world can’t help you with something called form.  You can use every mirror in the gym but you really don’t know what you are looking for, DO YOU?  Form is integral while working out, unless you enjoy aches & pains with every day activities. So part with some of that money you are saving to send that kid to college who will no doubt call you fat one day if you don’t shape up!

4.  You make more than 75K a year (If you use the kid excuse here, there is a good chance you already are fat)

After some lengthy calculations, here’s what I’ve come up with.  At 75 G’s a year, with close to 30 percent being taken out for taxes, healthcare, retirement, you are left with just under $2000 every other week.  Now if you choose to live in a ridiculously priced condo and drive a brand new Mercedes, you may find yourself strapped at the end of the month because you really are an asshole! What kind of APR do you think hospitals offer to finance a shiny new bypass on your heart? Figure out your priorities and get yourself in shape!

3.  You like talking to people, but many people in your life don’t really like listening to you

Call it the two-fer.  By hiring a personal trainer you also get yourself a pseudo-psychiatrist (albeit one that may lead you on a very terrible path).  You will not only be able to get in shape, but you will be able to unload all that baggage your ex-boyfriend Lou gave you by leaving you with a frequent itch down below and a PS3 system you don’t even know how to use.

2.  You are lazy

Most people just want someone else to do shit for them.  There is a good chance you don’t mow your own lawn, because you are lazy.  You also may think you can’t learn how to workout on your own because you are lazy.  Having a personal trainer will take the guess work out of working out.  Pay just a little over a buck an hour and someone will spoon-feed your lazy ass the exercise you need.

1.  You cannot see your private parts when you look down

I may have said I’m not going to call you fat, but I am going to say you are clearly doing something wrong in life if you cannot see your no-no parts without looking in a mirror.  The longer you go with that gut/gunt, the more likely you are to be miserable…and FAT!

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