Most personal trainers (apparently not all of them) need to workout quite a lot themselves to look the part. As much as I would enjoy spending my off time at the beach with a bag of honey mustard pretzel bites, I unfortunately have to maintain my abs. One random Tuesday while attempting to sculpt my glutes by doing bridges on a swiss ball, I encountered what every trainer loathes. The overzealous guy or girl who may or may not be a trainer but decides to impart their unsolicited advice onto you. There are many reasons people choose to lay on the couch instead of hit the gym, and this guy is one of them. To have someone tell you how to exercise is fucking annoying… wait, thats what I do for a living. But that’s neither here nor there. With the AC on the fritz and the sweltering mid-summer heat making any workout a pain in the fucking ass, the last thing I needed was some jerk off telling me what I should be doing. “You know if you lift your hips higher you will get more of your hamstrings,” said the fella who just so happened to be wearing a wife-beater to me. Fuck. That beautiful four-letter word was the first thing that popped into my head. As fate would have it, I was the only person sharing the room with Mr. annoying at the moment. “Really?” I countered with my all-time I don’t give a fuck retort. He proceeded to tell me why I should lift my hips higher, which was based on no scientific data whatsoever. I was quickly learning why most people in the gym crank up their ear buds and drown out the world. If you don’t happen to have your iPod, fear not as these tips will come in handy.
1) Continue with one word responses. Over time, most assholes figure out you don’t give two shits about what they are talking about and retreat to the next poor soul.
2) Tell them you are a trainer. This usually shuts people right the fuck up, but may open you up to further questions or comments.
3) Without responding, just get up and walk away. Its one of the funnier things you can do in this situation. I’ve seen this done by several trainers over the years who don’t want to waste their time listening to some random douche.
On this day I opted for the tried and true tip #1. This may come across as dickish, or cuntish, but you are a trainer so you may already come across this way.