JD’s top 10 reasons why your personal trainer sucks

There are countless reasons why your personal trainer sucks.  Not to be mistaken with my diatribe a few months back on the reasons why you should fire your personal trainer; this is why they not only suck at training but probably suck at life as well.

10.  They never admit they are wrong, even when you get hurt doing their “perfect” routine

It’s one thing to strain a hammy or pull an oblique doing some medicine ball twists, but shredding an ACL thanks to three minutes of continuous plyometric side jumps is unacceptable.  If you get anything worse than some type of “itis” from working out with a trainer,  your trainer sucks.

9.  Their first, second, AND third careers are long gone, and now they decided to become a personal trainer 

Before you get all up in arms, I understand we don’t all pick winners our first career out of the gate.  It’s okay to burnout in one field and find yourself doing something totally different years later.  What’s not okay is when your resume reads like a mexican laborer, who just gives you that smile and says yes, no matter what you need them to do around your house.  They may consider themselves a jack of all trades, but chances are they aren’t really good at anything.  If your personal trainer was a former real estate agent, car salesman, TSA agent, there is a very high likelihood they suck.

8.  They try to sell you vitamins that, as luck would have it, you cannot get anywhere else

Who hasn’t fallen for a pyramid scheme at one point in their lives?  It’s just ten times worse when the person you are paying to take them through a workout tries to make even more money off you. They suck, and so do you if you fall for it.

7.  They ask you what you want to work on the day you see them

Any trainer that drops this line is the definition of lazy.  That means they think so little of you that they haven’t prepared a fucking thing for you, and you are better off just forking over the $1.99 for an app that tells you what to do in the gym. If this ever happens, tell them to suck it.

6.  Your trainer is late/makes you wait for your scheduled appointment

This is not a difficult concept yet it seems to plague most trainers.  If someone is paying me, the last thing I’m going to do is make them wait.  If some asshole client runs late, potentially causing the trainer’s entire day to be off, a good trainer will keep on track by not giving in to this fuck who just had to be late.  And if your trainer him/herself is late for your appointment, they suck. (unless of course they are getting a hummer in the parking lot)

5.  They try to drag your ass to church

Now I’ve had some clients unsuccessfully try to bring me to the house of the holy, but when a trainer tries this move it’s just fucking weird.  Most people have enough shitty things they need to worry about in life, the last thing they need to do is feel judged by a higher power (via their personal trainer). This whole scenario sucks.

4.  You are bored during your training session

If your trainer can’t entertain you for the hour you are paying them, they not only suck at training but they blow at life.

3.  They only subscribe to one training method and refuse to incorporate other styles to their routines

You can spot these trainers from a mile away.  They exhibit cult-like behavior you would see with your average scientologist.  Any asshole can follow some program someone else put together, but it takes a person with an IQ to develop their own strategy on how to train people.  This should be a red flag and most likely means your trainer is too dumb to figure out shit on their own. And, they suck.

2.  You refer them clients and they don’t show any appreciation

Since this is how most trainers grow their business, you would think it’s a given they would be grateful for anyone you throw their way.  Sadly, I’ve seen trainers expect people to refer other clients and not even throw that person a bone (not what you are thinking, actually in the form of a free session or two to show their thanks). If you don’t get a “Thanks”, you’ve got yourself a trainer that sucks.

1.  They think they are better than who they really are

Someone once told me that the differences between a personal trainer and a landscaper or housekeeper is the pay and the questionable citizenship.  Personal trainers who act as if they know more than a medical professional are the most dangerous of the bunch.  Because they educate themselves daily with the tremendous amount of questionable articles posted online about training and subscribe to Muscle & Fitness, they feel their shit doesn’t stink.  Remember, there is always going to be a younger, more ripped, and probably better looking trainer waiting in the wings eager to train you.  Pompous trainers beware, know you are expendable if your attitude isn’t on point. In other words, you suck!

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