For the past month, I have refrained from any unhealthy food. I’ve been doing a cleanse where I eat nothing but greens, whole grains, and a shitload of fiber. I’ve also been drinking nothing but water and green tea. Although this has been an ongoing ritual for several years, I can’t tell you how much I miss cheesecake and milkshakes. I can tell you that if you try a cleanse and stick with it, you will have some of the biggest logs and find yourself pissing every half hour. That said, an unexpected gift has been bestowed upon me. I probably have the worst gas of my life at this time. Its so bad that I recently cleared out an entire section at a movie theatre. I felt terrible that I spoiled my friend’s nachos. As the benefits from the cleanse are countless, including better sleep, increased energy and improved health, I find this unwanted side effect difficult to cope with. It’s one thing to have the occasional blow out, but I have round the clock type flatulence that packs quite the punch. So how can one who ingests only organic foods with no bullshit additives have some of the most potent stinkies known to man? How is it that people who live on fast food and drink sodas on the reg not have such foul smelling air biscuits? If there is any solace to my plight, it’s that my blasts are barely audible. After trying gas pills, peppermint, and other so-called preventive measures, I have taken a step back and accepted my fate. Potent gas is my cross to bear on the road to eternal fitness. Thankfully the month is coming to a close and I’m looking forward to some unhealthy food to bring my blasts back to normal.