Just when you thought businesses were cutting back, think again. You may belong to a gym where there is always that one person roaming the gym floor aimlessly sporting a tee-shirt with the gym logo prominently pressed on the front. Doesn’t matter what time of day you are there, that person will be doing their usual laps around the gym. Occasionally they will strike up a conversation, usually with the person who goes to the gym to look for friends, rarely with the die-hard exercise enthusiast. They will re-rack weights, organize the constantly fucked up dumbbell rack, and basically clean up after the majority of gym members who scatter shit about the gym as if it were their own living room. Once I heard one of these fitness attendants talking about an exercise with a member. I almost had to laugh out loud when they finished with “I’m not certified as a personal trainer yet so you shouldn’t listen to my advice”. This was the most useless tip I’ve ever heard being shared in a gym. I equate it to taking a flight, asking the flight attendant for a jack and coke, and having them tell you there are plenty of tasty cocktails onboard but you shouldn’t have any of them. So what do they really do? Are they glorified janitors? The answer is unknown. I do know from experience that some over-zealous fitness attendants take their job way too serious and get off on the ability to throw their unwarranted sense of authority around the gym. For example, they thrive when they spot a young kid playing on a machine and get to chastise them about safety. They follow-up this bullshit by asking them the dumbest of all dumb questions which is “Where are your parents?” Anyone who goes to a gym knows that parents just dump their kids off whenever possible to get some type of reprieve. Thank you unfit mothers and fathers, your problem now just became the entire worlds. To get back on track, how does one become a fitness attendant? Did they actually fail one of the hundreds of online personal training certification exams? The last I checked, it wasn’t exactly on par with the Bar exam. If you can spell your name you have a pretty good chance of passing most of the tests to become a personal trainer. So keep your eye on that fitness attendant, and please let me know what their role at the gym may be other than wasting space.