I’ve trained all types over the years – biguns, skinny folk, young, old, and midgets. But one group that deserves some press are kids. Yes, those same kids who interrupt your dinner, ruin a night at the movies, or walk into you in the grocery store because their heads are buried in their iPhones. (Imagine what you would have done with an iPhone before the age of 12). There are quite a few parents out there that are dying to get their kids out of the house, and if that means shelling out $75 an hour to have me babysit… oops, I mean train them, so be it. One spoiled pre-teen comes to mind. He reminded me of Francis from Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. Like Francis, this kid was more interested in the buffet than exercising. Ironically his mom was quite the MILF. So I would take Junior into the gym, put him on the treadmill at about 2 miles per hour, and watch him struggle through the 5 minutes. Considering this was just the warm up, this was not a good sign. Looking back, when I was 12, the last thing I wanted to do was have some doucher like myself show me how to exercise (unless of course it was rowdy roddy piper). I would then take this already overweight child through a series of exercises that were not difficult by any means but you would think I was asking him to climb Everest. This sad chap would hate every minute of the workout, and I didn’t know what the fuck to talk to him about. I attempted to talk about chicks, but this kid, for some reason, didn’t have any interest. Seeing how I wasn’t a Star Trek fan or into video games, I was at a loss. It was similar to watching a movie on mute. Kids belong outside, getting into all kinds of shit. But this kid didn’t see much outside of the kitchen. So a tip for all your parents, save yourself a few bucks and take your fat ass to the park with your kid and train them yourself. Here’s your first workout – tell them to run to a tree somewhere in the distance as fast as they can; and when they get there, turn around and come back.