Dedicated Dads

Lately I’ve noticed more men training young boys in the gym, and I can only hope they are the father of these kids.  I don’t even want to think of the gym being compared to the Catholic church when it comes to the man/boy relationship.  At any rate, it seems more dads are looking for their offspring to become the next Eli Manning or Reggie Bush.  With what athletes get paid these days, part of me understands.  Who hasn’t seen the old video footage of Tiger Woods whacking golf balls as a young tike with dad standing nearby?  Despite Tiger’s minor speed bump a few years back, look how good that fuckin’ guy seems to be doing these days.  Hmm….spend 100k+ to ensure junior winds up with a degree that you pray keeps him out of your house for the rest of your life (Doesn’t always pan out as I happen to know several 30-something year olds still living with mom and dad) or, put in countless hours and maybe half as much dough to groom him to be awesome at something with a potentially huge payoff in the end?  You may argue these dads are just trying to get their kids into shape, but when you see young Joey with 225 on his shoulders struggling at the bottom of a squat and the supposed supportive father yelling/screaming encouragement, I doubt the purpose of these gym outings are all fun and games.  I get it, no one wants their son to grow up to be a total pussy, but is getting them in the gym to lift ungodly amounts of weight the way to go?  And fuck form, these dads have a copy of the Arnold Encyclopedia tucked under their arm as they observe their son doing everything wrong while trying to deadlift.  While these kids should be outside running around, discovering themselves and perhaps their dads old Playboys in the basement, they are under the watchful eye of their coach/father in the gym.  If you are under the age of 14, you want no part of the gym.  When I was that age I was too busy trying to figure out how to get my hands on any type of pornographic material.  Even though I was still years away from seeing a naked female in real time, I saw enough pictures to know that I liked what I saw and literally took matters into my own hands.  Yes moms and dads, if you have a 14 year old son I highly recommend knocking at the door before barreling in because odds are you will witness pants around the ankles and cock in hand.  Speaking of, on the other hand, if any kid at that age says he wants to spend his afternoons in the gym, that’s because he is in fear his dad will bitch slap him if he says otherwise.   Beware you dedicated dads, even though your son may be able to bench press more than his entire 8th grade glass, you are taking the risk of having him resent weights and take up crystal meth after high school just to be able to do something you don’t want him to do.  Someday if I end up with a son, I’ll definitely take him to the gym.  I’ll take him there the day he says “Daddy, can we go look at girls?”  I’ll give him a big smile and pat him on the head and tell him about how his old man used to work at the gym on the car ride there.  Then as we get to the cardio room I’ll teach him how to ride the stationary bike behind a few hot girls on the treadmill.  

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