Front Desk Girl (Or dude on some rare occasion)

I go into great detail of one particular front desk girl I used to “work” with back in the day in chapter 8 of “I like your form”.  Consider this is a short warm up of what you can expect to read in the book.  To gain entry into any gym, you are forced to pass by the heavily guarded front desk.  There are a wide variety of characters you will come across that man this battle-station.  You would be hard pressed to find a heffer checking you into the gym, usually it’s a cute girl or perhaps a butterface with a body that you see in a fitness magazine.  Once I swore I ran into Chyna’s twin sister behind the desk at a gym, and she (or it) had the voice that makes you say “sir” by accident.  Sometimes you get that guy that always makes you wonder if he prefers guys over girls.  Either way, they are alway chatty folks that can be as annoying as those people who work in Moe’s Burritos and yell out in sync “Welcome to Moe’s!” the second you walk through the door.  Occasionally you get that one front desk employee who gives a shit and actually remembers your name instead of recognizing you as member #2946 and that god awful picture they have on file.  You know, that horrible photo they took of you for your membership card.  One fine day, I was heading into the gym near the “peak” time which always sucks.  I was walking in with several people, and was annoyed that I had to hold the door open for a soccer mom who was too busy talking to her sister Gina on the phone and fumbling through her purse looking for her gym card.  Don’t judge me, I’m not alone when I say nothing irritates me more than that stay at home mom who expects the world to cater to her needs since she has such a difficult job.    Anyways, there was a portly fella in this line of random folks entering the gym when the front desk girl announced loudly, “Rob, I haven’t seen you FOREVER! Where have you been!”  This poor guy apparently named Rob looked mortified.  I wanted to answer for him, and let her know that he obviously has not been working out.  And there’s a good chance Rob probably did not eat a healthy breakfast this morning.  With a small crowd lined up at the desk, I was curious to see what Rob’s response would be.  All Rob could muster was a half-hearted laugh while his face turned beet red.  Nothing worse than having the high-pitched slim girl at the front desk call you out when you look like you won a few pie-eating contests in your day, I thought.  It’s one thing if you are jacked up like the Rock, but when you haven’t seen your wiener in some time in both a standing and seated position, it’s a much different story.  Putting myself in Rob’s shoes for a quick minute and imagining I was fat, I thought of how embarrassing it would be to politely be called fat and lazy in a crowd.  I always knew the front desk staff was good at checking people in and warning them that their credit card has been declined, but I was unaware that they were also proficient in motivating large individuals to get their shit together and go to the gym more frequently.  Well played, skinny front desk girl.

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