The “out of shape” trainer

Everyone hits a rut, I know I’ve had my fair share. It’s not easy maintaining my washboard belly and cutting out food altogether just for the sake of looking the part of a personal trainer.  I like White Castle just as much as the next guy, but I knew if I was going to make money telling people they need to exercise, I needed to give up certain things.  Lucky for me getting laid was not something I needed to give up in order to do well as a personal trainer.  Before you get offended, no I have never been fat because when I grew up life was not fun for the fat kid so I learned early on I didn’t want to be that guy.  So for those of you that feel like everyone should be treated the same no matter how big they are, I hope you are happy that the obesity rate is now close to 60% in this country and I would love to see your face when you have to squeeze your small ass between two 300-pounders on your next cross-country flight.  But come on now, if you are a personal trainer-how the hell do you explain not being in better shape than the people who are paying you to get them into shape?  It’s like a fat model.  Sure, a random few enjoy looking at these plus-sized ladies, but would most people be happy if the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue or the Victoria’s Secret catalog was filled with girls you see on the People of Walmart website?  I think not.  We all know that one trainer at the gym who for some reason is larger than life for all the wrong reasons.  A large spinning instructor comes to mind who I worked with back in the day and had no business wearing those spandex shorts.  But I’ll leave her alone and I’ll focus on this one trainer at my current gym.  Like most male trainers I know, he’s a little on the short side and perhaps in the past was jacked up with huge pecs and minimal body fat.  Unfortunately time has not been good to this guy and he now has man-boobs and can easily be mistaken for that Jared guy from subway before he started eating those shitty sandwiches.  If he was a foot taller you could maybe give him a pass but his chest is now bigger than an asian girl I dated a while back.  He seems to know what he’s talking about but with a gut and man breasts, how does anyone take him seriously?  Nothing better than sweating your ass off, struggling to get that last pull up when you glance over at your trusty trainer, who in between shouting words of encouragement is taking a bite out of a glazed doughnut.  Like the fat doctor that tries to tell you that you need to eat better or the dentist with a horrible grill making you feel like shit for not flossing everyday, how likely are you to follow their advice?  You don’t exactly have to have the IQ of a rocket scientist to be a successful personal trainer, so the least you can do is pay a little more attention to how many slices of pizza you eat.  So the next time your overweight personal trainer asks you to buy more sessions, offer to pay them in carrots.        

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