Do you really want to eat that?

Trying to be somewhat “healthy”, I occasionally stop by the local supplement shoppe to get some type of snack.  I am never surprised when it looks as if the protein bars have come a long way and now have their own dedicated aisle.  Recalling the good old days when there wasn’t much besides Promax bars and Power bars, one tasted like a candy bar while the other tasted like dog shit baked into taffy.  Now when you go anywhere you are inundated with hundreds of these supposedly “healthy” snacks.  To make a wise choice is more difficult than Indiana Jones faced in the last crusade.  With enticing flavors such as blueberry cheesecake, strawberry shortcake, and peanut butter cookie dough, how the hell can one go wrong?  I’m here to tell you, very easily.  Think back to your glory days when you did that first shot of Black Haus or Goldschlager and said afterwards, “This tastes fantastic!  I’m going to drink this all night!”  Only to find yourself several hours later hurling up whatever is in your stomach with a hint of peppermint and gold flakes on top of it.  Who hasn’t ripped open a mocha chocolate protein bar and after just one bite declared “I will eat these every day!” Then just a few moments later forcing yourself to choke down the rest of this shit bar that tricked you into thinking it was anything but a coated piece of cardboard.  Even today with more variety than cable TV, protein bars are still hit or miss.  I liken the process to tasting the contents of that heart-shaped box of chocolates you used to love on Valentine’s day.  I know they probably label everything but I’m sure you can still get the mystery box where you can either hit a home run with a chocolate covered carmel or strike out with the unidentified one that tastes like week old table scraps from the Chinese buffet encased in a rich milk chocolate.  So if you have no problems buying something that mostly likely going to cost a pretty penny, taste like garbage, and most likely give you a nice case of protein farts, then grab yourself that protein bar.  But, if you want to save a few bucks and enjoy what you eat, try something different.  Get yourself a snickers bar because after all athletes endorse it and it’s the official candy bar of the Olympics so it must be good for you.

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