The late night crowd at the gym

Just as the morning has it’s share of freaks that congregate in the gym at the ungodly hour of 5am, the late night crowd also attracts a unique clientele who isn’t about to settle for second place in the whack pack meter.  In fact this evening gave me more ammo to write about as yet again I witnessed the odd behavior that you are bound to see roaming the gym floor after 8:30pm.  Sure, you have your die-hard lifters that are looking to avoid the daytime crowds, but what about that guy that looks like Napoleon Dynamite’s brother Kip?  He kind of looks like the guy you will see posted on the walls of your local library where they list your neighborhood sex offenders.  He may be a smaller, skinnier fella but something about those glasses and odd mustache keeps you from making eye contact with him.  Your skeptical that this guy can throw a chloroform rag in your face anytime and when you come to your tied up in his deceased mom’s basement with the gimp mask so for good measure you are sure to leave a safe distance at all times.  What about that guy that appears to have escaped from the home that housed Randle McMurphy and Chief from One flew over the cuckoo’s nest as he seems to wander from station to station all the while having a conversation with himself?  He may have a shaved head and a shitload of tattoos or could be dressed in blue jeans, work boots, and a wife beater.  He occasionally looks right at you and continues talking and for a second you feel like you should respond in some way.  When you get close enough you sigh a sense of relief when you notice he has a bluetooth the size of a tic-tac in his ear, but sometimes you aren’t always this lucky and you really have some crazy fuck talking to himself.  Something tells me if the shit were to go down, that overweight gym floor attendant isn’t going to be much help when this guy is biting your face off.  Lastly, there is jolly fella who seems more interested in making friends than working out.  Because the crowd is a little sparse this late in the evening, this guy feels like someone will have to pay attention to him if he puts forth some effort.  Like your gym “Mayors”, this asshole is usually loud and boisterous as he holds conversations with people on the far end of the gym while walking at a 1% incline at 1.2 mph.  Way to not burn that #2 you ate on the way to the gym and be annoying at the same time.  So much like the DMV, if you go to the gym just an hour or so before closing time, you have a pretty good chance of feeling much better about yourself no matter what shape you are in.  I look forward to being able to provide pictures of this scene for you one day to convince you that the freaks really do come out at night.                  

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