Those wouldn’t happen to be Protein farts, would they?

If you’ve ever set foot in a gym or dared to enter your average gym locker room, then you are already all too familiar with this stench. As if the usual gas that passes through the cracks of your ass isn’t bad enough, you have the hidden dangers of the widely recognized but seldom talked about “Protein Farts” to worry about. Without cutting corners, this type of gas quite simply smells like shit mixed with old garbage. Open a surprise container of take-out food that has been sitting for months or perhaps a carton of sour, curdled milk then you are only half way there. Now pile on the smell of a log that has been sitting unflushed for several hours and no, of course it can never be your own because no matter how bad yours is there always is something in your head that says “That one wasn’t so bad”. So as a trainer, with a constant supply of protein powder & drinks at my disposal in the gym, I was known to cropdust the gym floor during everyone’s “Happy Hour” on more than one occasion. With many clients I resisted the urge the best I could but I’d be lying to say that one didn’t slip by every now and then. And boy were those little squeakers the biggest stinkers. Ironically after cutting out the countless number of protein supplements I was taking, my gas returned to its normal gross yet bearable state. So in gyms across this great land of ours keep your eye on that trainer who seems to be taking a few extra minutes staring at his clipboard, unwilling to move an inch. You may notice some sweat forming on his brow, giving it his all to hold it in. Consider this your warning, keep your distance.

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