Who doesn’t enjoy top 10 lists? This one is not only entertaining but informative. Consider this a warning of what not to do in the gym in order to avoid being that guy or girl.
10. You talk on the phone while working out. If you were just doing some light cardio, this would be perfectly acceptable, but I’m referring to the asshole parked on the bench during peak time chatting away. I know, of course you consider yourself important, most assholes do.
9. You give unsolicited exercise advice and have no qualifications whatsoever. It’s one thing to use unwanted tips as a cover to hit on the hot new girl at the gym. But if you do it because you actually feel you know what the fuck you are talking about, let me assure you that you don’t, my friend. It only makes you look like a bigger asshole than you already are.
8. You scatter equipment all over the gym to set up your pseudo-crossfit circuit. You then get pissed when someone swipes one of the 6 pair of dumbbells you aren’t currently using. To top it off, you never put your shit back, which qualifies you as an asshole.
7. You linger at the front desk to talk to the front desk staff. We get it, you are lonely and have no where else to go. Just remember, strippers also pretend to like you because it’s part of the job. Don’t be that asshole, just try online dating if you are that desperate.
6. You have gas and just can’t help crop-dusting the entire gym floor. I must admit, I have been diagnosed with severe chronic flatulence and am guilty of this most days of the week. I will be the first to admit, this makes me quite the asshole at my gym, just ask anyone within 6 feet.
5. You hang out at the gym and are ‘friends’ with everybody. In fact, you often spend more time talking than working out. I go into great detail about the mayor’s of the gym in the pages of “I like your form” Confessions of a Personal Trainer. Let’s just say you may be friendly and likable, but more than half of the people in the gym think you are an asshole.
4. You complain when one of your classes gets cancelled or, God forbid, someone subs your class. Yes ladies, this one is especially for you. It’s usually the entitled, stay-at-home moms that are notorious for putting up a stink. It’s not the end of the world if your 5:30 am spinning instructor got a DUI last night, so don’t complain like an asshole.
3. You pay your monthly dues but go to the gym a couple times a year. This is self-explanatory, as gyms thrive on people like you. Even though it’s as low as $20 a month, you would still be considered an asshole to piss this much away without ever using it. By the way, these are the same assholes who complain about money problems.
2. You leave over a dozen 45 lb plates on the leg press. Ladies, this doesn’t apply unless you look like a linebacker. Gentlemen, if you left that much on the squat rack no one would even think about looking at you because you would be a bonafide bad ass. But because it is the leg press, however, you are not only a douche but a certified asshole.
1. You leave your DNA everywhere, in the form of sweat. This is fucking gross. I’m not the sweatiest guy, but I have enough sense to wipe up after myself, just like I do after taking a shit. Unfortunately, many folks at the gym aren’t as courteous. Nothing like putting your hand on the elliptical machine and getting a moist handful. Or better yet, laying down on a mat and finding that wet spot right behind your head which is camouflaged by that navy blue color. No one likes the sweaty guy or girl that doesn’t clean up after themselves, so don’t be an asshole and wipe off.