Whatever happened to the great bumperstickers of yesteryear that read “Honk if you like blowjobs” or “My kid can beat the shit out of your honor roll student”? These days we see some head scratchers that just scream out to the world, “There is an asshole piloting this vessel.” Let’s take a look at this one that belongs to a series of other numerical stickers. Why does it read 13.1 you ask? Living in the bible belt, I mistakenly assumed this was a quote from the good book. I was quickly schooled by a runner, and not just any runner, one that subscribes to a running magazine and whose life apparently revolves around this recreational activity. Being from the old school, I am a firm believer running for a sport makes perfect sense. Running aimlessly just for the sake of running makes no sense. Even if you disagree, you must agree that it’s not a good idea to put a sticker on the back of your car informing the general public of exactly how far you once ran. No one gives a shit. In fact, most people will look at the back of your car and immediately categorize you as an asshole, even if you are a fun-loving, easy going person. And if the 13.1 sticker doesn’t irritate you, don’t forget about the 26.2 one that is sure to piss off even the assholes with the 13.1 stickers that just can’t seem to double their distance no matter how hard they try. So the list just goes on and on as if it becomes a dick measuring contest. Think you are cool with your 26.2? Try 70.3 you pussy! Oh yeah, try and beat my 140.6 muthafucka! The next time there is any kind of road race in town, just take a look at every car in the parking lot and their respective stickers. What have you learned? More is better (I guess). One more thing you can take home from all this: if running is supposed to be so healthy, then why, with exception of the Ethiopians and tall, lanky people in front, are most of the people running these various distance events so lumpy?
Yes, THIS! I need a car sticker that says “26.Go Fuck Yourself!”