To put it bluntly, Mondays fucking suck. Not only do they suck for everyone that is not rich, but they are easily the worst day of the week in the gym. Any given Monday is the worst day to attempt to work out, but be warned that Mondays in January are worse than malls in December. Every asshole in the world figures they will start fresh on monday, when deep down they know they won’t make it through the week consistently. If you manage to find the lone parking space a quarter mile away, be prepared to enter something that looks like the great Dave Chappelle’s skit about the five o’clock free crack giveaway. Whatever number that placard reads about the maximum allowable occupancy, something tells me no one really gives a fuck on Monday anytime after 4pm. It seems most of my clients hated Mondays as well, seeing how on that day more than any other day of the week I could count on a cancellation or two. If you are looking to hang out, not work out, then Mondays are your day, since members dust off their gym cards on this day to feel better about themselves and stand around just pissing off the people who actually want to work out. So if you can make it to the gym before late afternoon on Monday it’s not a bad option, but beware of trying to get a workout in on your way home. What about those individuals who must bench press every Monday you ask? I’m still trying to figure that out.
Tuesday is not that much different than Monday, in that the occasional exerciser somehow finds their way to the gym just one day after spending 2 to 3 hours at the gym the night before. Keep in mind, they probably did a solid 15-20 minutes of exercise to go along with about 2 and a half hours of jabbering. On this day you may run into that old-timer who likes to give you the whole “One day at a time” rap, as if you were looking for his unsolicited advice. You may also encounter a gaggle of barrel-chested guys with disproportionate legs gathered around the preacher curl machine. So the parking lot is still going to be full, every machine or bench is going to be occupied even if it’s not being used, and you my friend, will still be very annoyed.
Ah yes, hump day. Half of your shitty week is over. You may even get greeted by the overly friendly receptionist who reminds you that yes it is in fact Wednesday and it’s almost Friday. The vibe in the gym is a little more upbeat, and ironically the gym is a little less crowded. It seems most of those part-timers have washed out. Turns out consistency is not their thing. Shocking. Don’t feel bad for them, as they will more than likely start fresh the following Monday. Good news for you dedicated folk in that you most likely don’t have to waste 15 minutes looking for a parking spot. Speaking of hump day, my own empirical evidence reveals most shenanigans in the gym will occur on this day. And by shenanigans I mean perhaps a blow job in the back office or a quickie in someone’s backseat. I will go out on a limb and say over 50% of my escapades involving my clients happened on Wednesday. Why did these women feel that irresistible urge more on this day than any other I will never know, but you will never hear this guy complain. So go ahead and count on Wednesday to be a pretty solid day to workout, and who knows, you may even get lucky.
THURSDAY-FRIDAY-SATURDAY…….to be continued next week, right here.