Nutrition tips from JD-Volume 1

Like the regular installments of the trainer/client conversations that you will read on this site, nutrition is going to be a regular topic with some helpful tips that, if they don’t offend you, should help you at least make better decisions when it comes to eating.  What better place to start with than one of the worst culprits in terms of making our asses fatter each day?  Of course I’m referring to McDonalds.  That place with the creepy clown mascot and that lovable but obviously overweight purple thing named Grimace.  To this day I’m still shocked I’m not wearing pants with a 44″ waistline considering my father’s advice to me for bulking up was to stop by McDonalds on my way home from school everyday and eat 5 cheeseburgers.  Thanks Dad, now that’s what I call stellar parenting.  Luckily, I was smart enough to cease my father’s plan to gain size when, after day 3, I was having the McShits.  This was a difficult decision as a teenager seeing how they were only 39 cents at the time and at that age anything cheap was awesome, no matter how bad it was for you.  (Come on, do you think anyone enjoyed drinking St. Ides malt liquor on the weekends?)  They now write the calorie information on each item right on the menu, as if people really give a fuck to know that they are eating more in one meal than they should be having in one day.  “I’ll have the Big Mac with large fries, please.” translation “I’ll have the 1000+ calorie meal, please.”   And what is that smell when you come within 20 feet of one these McDonald’s restaurants?  It’s as if they put some type of mind numbing chemical in the exhaust fans around the building that tell you to buy a super sized #1 with a Coke.  I would enjoy my training days when clients used to tell me they would eat McDonalds several times a week and justify it by saying they would always order the diet soda, as if that makes a fucking difference.  Seeing how they were paying top dollar, I didn’t break balls unless of course they brought up the whole “I’ve been working out for months and I’m not losing any weight!” line which always seemed to happen around the time of renewing their sessions.  My move was to tell them I would help them defeat this McDonald’s addiction and help them lose those unwanted pounds!  Of course I knew I was full of shit but half the battle was having the client believe in whatever bullshit you were throwing their way.  Some may argue that there are healthy options at McDonald’s these days. Are you talking about the Asian salad with crispy chicken (370 cals) and ranch dressing (170 cals)? Yeah, that’s what I thought you meant. I say unless you are buying a Shamrock shake, which I’ve confessed in another blog already is truly delicious, you have no business setting foot in there, or in the expanded double lane drive-thru.  So if you are trying to lose weight or stay at the weight you are now for the foreseeable future, stay the fuck away from those cursed golden arches!  By the way, you must know at this point that the Filet-o-fish isn’t really made out of fish, right?

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