Prime Time in the gym, otherwise known as “happy hour”

If you’re one of the 96% who unfortunately has to commute day in and day out to that horrible job, the one that has you wishing Friday would come much sooner than it does, then you have a good chance to know exactly what I’m talking about.  As if the multiple laps around the gym parking lot just to find a spot weren’t enough of a deterrent to keep you from working out, what’s going on in there between the hours of 5 and 8pm surely will.  There is nothing “happy” about this happy hour whatsoever.  In fact, the worst bar with the worst happy hour specials would be a big step up compared the headache that is the gym each weeknight during this time, with the exception of Fridays.  Every asshole in America seems to go to the gym at this time, including the people who aren’t assholes.  It annoys the piss out of me when I see a senior citizen, who obviously hasn’t worked in the last decade, choose to take up space in the gym at this time.  Thanks grandpa, you could be enjoying that early bird special but instead you push the limits of the gym’s maximum occupancy.  Something tells me these slick seniors are just trying to get a peek at some of the young ass that wanders the gym floors each night.  Rest assured, every piece of equipment will be utilized during these peak hours.  Yet you still have the jerk-off who attempts to do circuit training in what can easily be mistaken for Grand Central station during rush hour.  This person will let you know he is using about 5 pieces of equipment if you happen to jump in on something when he isn’t on it.  There is a strong possibility this guy will also be wearing a headband while exercising.  I get a kick out of the sign near the cardio equipment that reads “Please keep use to 20 minutes when others are waiting.”  Yeah, like people are going to cut their shit off at 20 minutes.  The crafty ones set the program for 15 minutes then keep restarting it once they finish.  Where the fuck are the cardio police when you need them?  Oh yeah, they are really the underpaid gym attendants that are too busy chatting with the hot chick and will not be bothered by these cardio kings or queens who must get their full hour of cardio in or ELSE!  Unlike those pesky TSA agents that like to assure you that you are in their house when you try to sneak onboard that 4 oz bottle of lotion, these gym attendants don’t really give a shit what goes on.  If only they could band together nationwide and take over the current TSA staff, flying would perhaps become an enjoyable experience once again.  This is also where the gym “mayor” shines.  In my book “I like your form” Confessions of a Personal Trainer, I go into great detail about the sad individual who usually brags about the number of facebook friends they may have.  During Prime Time, the mayor is in full force with a barrage of high fives and jokes for anyone and everyone within a 10 foot radius.  More often than not, you will find this person occupying the bench press for at least 30 to 45 minutes.  And don’t you dare ask this douche if you can work in!  If you are one of the poor souls who must work out during these hours, chances are you have to double the amount of time you need just to get your normal workout in.  Factor in the shitty day you just had at work, who the fuck in their right mind would put themselves through this mental torture just to burn a few calories?  For some time, I had a “real” job, and had the displeasure of experiencing this so-called “happy hour” myself.  It sucked enough that I got my sorry ass up at the crack of dawn just to avoid this nightly traffic jam at the gym.  I wish I had some advice for you on how to handle this oftentimes unavoidable time to workout, but I don’t have much more than just that.  Other than skipping deodorant to possibly deter people from coming anywhere near you, you are on your own for this one.  Good luck, and remember there are 24 gyms which are well worth the investment particularly if you hate the prime time in the gym.             

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