The Lingerer

Oh fuck these people.  Every gym has at least a half dozen.  You know exactly who I’m talking about.  I often wonder what home life is for these lingerers.  Why they would spend more than a couple minutes trying to converse with someone who obviously has no interest is beyond me.  I’m not a headphone guy but I sometimes think about wearing a pair not just to listen to music but to pretend I’m not listening to some guy spewing bullshit I really don’t want to hear.  They tend to gravitate towards the machines in the gym, thus, I rarely use them these days.  These lingerers know you are in a vulnerable position when seated, so next time your sitting down keep an eye out.  “Hey man, this machine is fantastic, isn’t it?”  Fuck!  Perhaps if I pretend to come from another country and give him a strange look he will go away.  Or maybe if I look at him square in the eye and roll over onto one cheek and let out a pungent steamer from my backside he’ll get the point?  Nope, being the somewhat nice guy I am I give a one word answer, and that’s all it really takes to get them on an 8-12 minute roll.  “Yep”.  That’s all I needed to say and I am now privy to shit I have no business hearing about from this guy – everything from bunions to stocks to politics, anything this guy feels like getting off his chest is all mine to hear.  You will notice the lingerer fits a common description.  They are  usually lonely looking, maybe a little frumpy, and seem to desperately want a friend.  But as you all know by now, they are annoying as all hell.  Within 60 seconds of talk, I mean listening to these assholes, it is very apparent they don’t give a shit about what you have to say.  They just want to have someone listen to their bullshit, and trust this advice my friends: don’t be a sucker.  Just say no. Avoid eye contact. And as a last resort, pull the phone out and take a very important fake phone call.

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