Look out! Big jug of water comin’ through!

We all know those people in the gym that carry around the gallon jug of water.  You may be asking, “Is that really necessary?”  It can all be traced back to the early fitness magazines of the 1980’s, such as Muscle & Fitness, when they exhausted all the possible exercise routines and needed other shit to write about.  Somewhere, some desperate writer came up with the whole ‘One must consume a gallon of water each day for optimal muscle growth’.  From that day on, people jumped on the bandwagon and never jumped off.  You see people of all different shapes and sizes toting around this 8 pound (when full) jug of liquid, from the miniscule muscle bound guy to the dude pushing 7 feet tall.  You mean to tell me that no matter what your size is, one gallon of water is the magic number?  I can talk shit, not just because I am a personal trainer, but I used to carry my gallon container around the college campus.  I know what you may be thinking, but unlike strippers who say they are motor-boating dudes and giving handys just to pay for school, I actually finished college.  And I know what else you are thinking – yes, I was a big douche and that huge jug of water may have been the reason why I wasn’t exactly a hit on campus.  Here’s what I remember most about my days of hyper-hydrating.  First, by the time you got close to the bottom you were left with a good mix of backwash and some remnants of whatever solid food that was washed from between your teeth.  Next, the smell of the container (I’m talking about those cheap supermarket gallon jugs, not the fancy dark blue bottles that are meant to be re-used) reminded me of what my socks smelled like after stepping in a large puddle of water early in the day and completing a 12 hour workday in the summer.  A side note to that – all of those cheap supermarket gallon jugs have writing on the side “DO NOT REUSE”, but something tells me many gym dwellers did not get that memo.  Then again, many of these guys seem the least bit concerned about ingesting some BPA’s.  Last, if you are not running marathon distances on a daily basis you will find yourself pissing every hour of the day.  This is not just a normal pee, which I calculate between 15-20 seconds, but a very long, drawn out pee that can last well over a minute and sometimes stretch to the 90 second mark.  It may also be the type of pee where as soon the urge hits, you find yourself hunched over in pain and crossing your legs as you shuffle to the nearest bathroom and your bladder wonders what the fuck it is you are trying to prove.   So consider this a public service announcement, since summer is right around the corner and although hydration is of the utmost importance: Don’t be a douche, use a refillable bottle that doesn’t make you stand out.

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